Change

Hair is complicated. Many years ago my Dad died. It had been a terrible 18 months. I was actively acting on suicidal ideologies (one resulted in a brain injury), my Mum had crossed, hate returned to the family with vengeance in the form of a second wife and biofamily, and I was in rehab. I teetered on the brink of homelessness for 2 years. It was dark days. I desperately wanted love and acceptance, things that were glaringly absent from my life and family relationships. It was during this time I decided to grow out my pixie cut. Yes, if only I “looked” more like others then maybe… possibly.. potentially I could find acceptance. Maybe someone would find me “pretty” which in my mind equated loveable. My hair grew. The sacred work had begun. For 8 years my hair slowly crept down my back. For 8 years I healed me from the inside out, slowly becoming friends with me.

Last week I had the week from hell. It was such a clusterfuck I was dizzy with grief. I caught my reflection in a mirror and realized even though I physically looked awful: bags, pale, dull, exhausted, heartbroken… I actually really loved that person in the mirror. I didn’t need my long hair to make me loveable, I love me. So, off with my hair! And I am ecstatic about it. No more pony tails, no more wet hair hours later, no more headaches, just way less stress and hassle.
Be you. Love you. It’s important

This Body

This body. This body has been through so much. It is the keeper of trauma, intense feelings, past love, exhilaration, despair, light, and shadow. It has been the victim of anger and assault, sometimes at it’s own hands. It has fought to stay alive, more times than a body should have to. It has had 5 major abdominal surgeries and more medical procedures than one can count. And this body gained 5 pounds this weekend because apparently a diet of marshmellows and coffee isn’t ideal. (Who knew?!?!) Yet, I see none of that when I look at these pictures. I see someone who is content in the container given to them. I see someone who is fully present in this moment. I see joy. I see victories. I see love. I see life. There is a reason why I don’t focus on glutes, abs, toned arms etc, instead teaching in a way that chooses to focus on joy, breath, movement, & feeling well. I am not concerned with your container. I am concerned with your heart. Yes, strength & flexibility come with a daily practice, but that isn’t the point! Your heart is the point. The lens you view the world through is the point. Heal those and the body will fall in line or may not matter as much as you once thought

 

How My Yoga Journey Saved Me

 

Most people who know me or know of me, understand that I love yoga. Most people do not know why I am so passionate about having a daily yoga practice. Yoga literally saved my life. 9 years ago I was addicted to pain medications and vodka. I was suicidal and had attempted suicide a few times. I was living in this suffocating dark abyss. I had lost all hope and couldn’t even imagine how life might improve. So how did I go from that to what you all know now? Yoga and sobriety. I had started playing around with yoga before I got sober, but I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I was doing it for a means of getting attention, not for the healing and life changing aspects of it. In rehab I started fumbling around with some very shaky Sun Salutation A and B and meditation. It was shaky for many reasons, the main one was in my last suicide attempt I gave myself a brain injury. So, literally at the start of my yoga journey I had balance issues, motor planning problems, couldn’t feel where my body was in space, and was learning what it felt like to be in my body instead of numbed out by opiates and alcohol. That is a-lot of road blocks! Incredibly, yoga met me where I was. I was blessed with several instructors who helped me make modifications, so yoga became possible. I became stronger, more flexible, and incredibly I became centered and calm. The changes on my mat eventually became transformation off my mat. Every time I wanted to use, I got on my mat. Every time I started to have a panic attack, I got on my mat. Every time life got “too big”, “too much”, just “too” I got on my mat. These are many of the reasons I adore yoga and am forever grateful for the practice. It is these reasons why I say “Yoga is for EVERYBODY!” and mean it. There are modifications available to meet you exactly where you are right now. I approach yoga with curiosity, suka (ease), and lila (play) this is how I share my passion. I am forever grateful for my yoga journey. Where will your yoga journey take you? What road blocks are you starting out with? How can I help you get onto your mat? Shine bright my friends, you are worth it!