This Body

This body. This body has been through so much. It is the keeper of trauma, intense feelings, past love, exhilaration, despair, light, and shadow. It has been the victim of anger and assault, sometimes at it’s own hands. It has fought to stay alive, more times than a body should have to. It has had 5 major abdominal surgeries and more medical procedures than one can count. And this body gained 5 pounds this weekend because apparently a diet of marshmellows and coffee isn’t ideal. (Who knew?!?!) Yet, I see none of that when I look at these pictures. I see someone who is content in the container given to them. I see someone who is fully present in this moment. I see joy. I see victories. I see love. I see life. There is a reason why I don’t focus on glutes, abs, toned arms etc, instead teaching in a way that chooses to focus on joy, breath, movement, & feeling well. I am not concerned with your container. I am concerned with your heart. Yes, strength & flexibility come with a daily practice, but that isn’t the point! Your heart is the point. The lens you view the world through is the point. Heal those and the body will fall in line or may not matter as much as you once thought


Life Lessons from a Life Coach

 Today is my last day being 40 and if you know my story then you are aware that I am a story of destruction and rebirth especially in my thirties. Here is a list of the life lessons I learned so far:

1. No matter how dark it is if you can see a shadow, then there is a light source somewhere, follow the light. That is your hope, even when it seems you don’t have any. Don’t give up. Life changes quickly.
2. On the other hand, make peace with that shadow. There is nothing to fear in the dark. Learn to sit with yourself, all of yourself, alone. You will be better for it.
3. Some families are awesome, some aren’t. If yours isn’t make one that is. Everyone deserves to have a soft place to land, be loved on, laugh, have truth told to them, and to be safe. I call mine a tribe. Sometimes you cannot fix broken, sometimes you simply need to go find your people and love each other dearly. Go do that!
4. Heal your hurts, walk through your pain, deal with it. You aren’t going to die from pain, truly. There are helpers who will help you. Once you deal with your demons they can no longer hurt you. That is freeing. There are no words for this. Perhaps one, Joy… authentic joy comes from dealing with your shit.
5. Unapologetically chase your dreams and follow your heart. Society only knows what makes it happy, but you are unique and you have unique likes, dislikes, talents, and capabilities. Stop listening to the masses, stop listening to the blue print for life and start listening to your soul’s plans for life, you will be happier and more successful. _/\_
6. Do the right thing, always. Be of character, even if that takes baby steps to create. No one regrets standing in the light.
7. Give, love, laugh, teach, be kind… this world hurts, offer it a way to be better, and have a moment of comfort. Leave people better than you found them.
8. Not everyone is going to understand you, your struggle, your power, or who you are, it is not your job to out scream them, out smart them, or even out bully them, it is simply your job to be with them and if at all possible love them, but always remain you.
9. You cannot listen if you are talking or thinking about what to say next, nor can you take in what is being taught if your cup is full. So, if you already “know it all” please don’t bother you aren’t open to learning. 2+4=6 but so does 3+3 as does 1.9+ 4.1 …there are many ways of doing things. Be open.
10. You cannot pour out of an empty cup, self care is so uber important. You matter. Take care of yourself first and then the world.
These are my hard earned lessons. I offer them to you with love. Do with them as you see fit.

There is a hole in my sidewalk

In rehab I was exposed to the most amazing quote. I came back to it daily for years. Now it sits in my journal and begs me to review it every so often.
“I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost… I am helpless. It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there. I still fall in. It’s a habit. My eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”
― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk
The thing is we have more control over our lives than most of us like to admit. We have some influence over what happens to us, especially the situations we put ourselves in. We have full control how we react to the situations that arise in our lives. We have control over our attitude.. Victim versus Empowered Survivor comes to mind. We have control over our daily habits: how much sleep we get, food we nourish ourselves with, the amount of self-care we partake in. Yes, we really have a-lot of control and choices in our lives. It takes a great deal of humility, maturity, and responsibility to see this. Let alone admit we truly do have something to do with where we are right now. Whenever I find myself in a situation that does not serve me, my first question is “what is my part in this?” If I got myself here, I can find my way to a better outcome, only after I identify my part of the equation. How do you approach the holes in your sidewalk? How can you go about avoiding them? Shine bright my friends, you are worth it!